YesYouCanChoose

When the pilgrims came to America, they had a vision of a land that could give them an opportunity that they could not have if they stayed where they were. They were seekers. They sought change only because they had an idea of what benefits the change could bring to them. This month I would like to talk to you about being a personal pilgrim in your own life.

To be a pilgrim, four things are necessary: discontentment, vision, courage, and energy. Pilgrims would not seek unless they were discontent with the current situation. Pilgrims would not know where to even begin without a vision. Pilgrims would not even start without courage. Pilgrims would not get anywhere without energy. In combination this is the formula to being a personal pilgrim in your own life. Let’s go over each step.

First, being content is a very peaceful feeling. Contentment, however, does not equate with progress. Change does not happen during a period of contentment. Not that we do not need such respite at times in our lives because we do. If contentment lasts a long time, just don’t count on there being much progress.

What do I mean by progress? I mean improvement, development, forward movement, advancement, and achieving goals. We could talk about this in your business life, but in this article, I am going to focus on your personal life. So for example, if you are content with the way you groom, nothing changes. It is only when someone comments on how you look that you get discontent and discern whether or not a change in your grooming needs to occur. Likewise, when you are content with your communication methods with your child, nothing changes. It is only when your teen gets your attention by coming in late for curfew or not obeying household rules (or even does worse things) that you get discontent with the method of communication and seek to change it. Here is one more. Let’s say you are content to be a homebody. Your spouse, however, is social and wants to interact more. It is only when your spouse has a conversation with you about being bored or, even worse, says that you are boring that you take steps to change.

The whole point here is that when you become discontent, welcome it and embrace it. Discontentment gives you the opportunity to change. When you change, you develop, move forward, improve, advance, and reach goals.

So you are now discontent. The next step is to vision how life could be with a change. How would you look if you developed different grooming habits? How would it look if you created a new way to communicate with your teen? How would it look to be more social?

This is where your creative nature takes over. Close your eyes and imagine what you would look like with a new hair style. Imagine having a conversation with your teen and resolving issues. Imagine riding bikes, dancing, making apple butter, or playing bingo at the VFW with your spouse. Unless you can see it happening, you don’t know where to start to create the change.

Once you have a vision, the third step is to have the courage to make it happen. Perhaps you have had that hair style for years and really don’t want to let go of it. Perhaps you have talked to your children this way since they were born, but that style no longer works now that they have reached the teen years. Maybe you like being a couch potato and it didn’t seem to bother your spouse before, but recently the children are now on their own and it is just your spouse and you. It takes courage to meet new life stages. It takes courage to improve. It takes courage to develop new ways of being. It takes courage to progress. It takes courage to change.

So say to yourself, “I can do this. I can choose to change my hair style (or choose to communicate more effectively with my teen or choose to be more social with my spouse). I can be a personal pilgrim.” When you positively affirm that you are choosing to change, then your mind is prepared to take the last step. Keep saying these three positive affirmations (sentences) as you take the final step.

The last step is to develop the energy you need to make the change. Energy comes when you search, ask, attempt, and strive. As you search for a new hair style, you may go through fashion magazines. You may ask your hair stylist for suggestions. You may attempt different styles yourself or perhaps get your hair cut. You may strive to notice the hair styles of your friends. You may search for books on talking to teens. You may ask for help from a psychologist. You may attempt to use these new ways of communicating with your teen. You may strive to be more in touch with what is going on in your teen’s life. You may search in the newspaper for social events in which to get involved. You may ask your spouse for suggestions of things in which your spouse is interested. You may attempt having a date. You may strive to create a social life for your spouse and you.

In each of these scenarios, you are setting your mind to strive to change. Then you are actively taking steps to change. By doing these things you generate enthusiasm and with enthusiasm comes energy. When you develop energy, you then have the power to change the situation.

What if you don’t change? What if you continue to be content and ignore the cues? Well, because of your grooming habits, someone may not want to be around you. Because of your ineptness with communicating with your teen, you might have to bail him/her out of jail. Because of your lack of awareness that your spouse wants more social interaction in your lives as a couple, your spouse may seek out others to enjoy or ask for a divorce. So if you want to be continually content, looks like heeding discontentment is the only way to achieve contentment. Seems like a paradox, doesn’t it?

So you can choose to be a personal pilgrim or not. When you are confronted with discontentment, you can choose to welcome and embrace it. When you welcome discontentment, you have the opportunity to vision. When you vision, you know where you are going and can then muster up the courage to develop some energy. When you get energized, you have the power to make changes. When you change, you have created additional benefits to your life. When your life is more beneficial, you are more satisfied with your life. When you are more satisfied with your life, you are happier. So choose to be a personal pilgrim.